Parenting is exhausting and the most impact it has on is your marriage. When you are juggling through diapers, bottles, meals, and your work during day and wake up and feeding sessions at night time there is hardly any energy left to even talk to your partner as adults.. So how do you do it?how do you keep the couple love alive after being a mom and dad?
While researching for this post the one thing that kept coming up is to go on date nights but I beg to differ here. Of course you can call a baby sitter and spend a wonderful time together with your spouse. This refreshes your mind no doubt but what about all those unresolved problems you never got time to sort? Those feeling that vent up because you never have that free and alone time anymore to express them? Even if you do go on a date you deliberately try and avoid bringing up anything that might ruin the mood. So there you are, back to square one. All those feeling are flushed down the drain just like any other night.
If you ask me what keeps a marriage strong after kids I would say just one thing – COMMUNICATION.
And its not about letting it all out in the open, its about how do you communicate.
Let me give you a few pointers here:
1: Give clear instructions:
Picture this: Your baby is crying inconsolably and you are at your wit’s end to make it stop. You have been rocking her since forever. Your husband meanwhile is sitting there confused as what to do. What would u say to get his help? Something similar to this I am sure?
“Will you stop just sitting there and help here instead?” This irritates your partner because he wanted to help but didn’t know how and your anger worsens the situation further.
Now try this next time: “Could you rock the baby for a while? I am tired now.”
See what I did here just a few change in words and tone handled the situation so differently. The baby may or may not stop crying but it definitely takes the bitterness away.
I know there should not be any need to give such instructions. After all men should understand and know their responsibilities just as we do. But guess what? They don’t.
So instead of sulking about it and getting bitter just accept the fact that a man’s brain works differently than a woman’s.
2: Take time out to “Just Talk”
An honest and a heartfelt conversation is just as important as a hot and steamy session in a marriage. Just as you would make time for a movie or dinner, plan things ahead and take some time out to just talk. Be it the sweet nothings or letting your expectations out in the open. Trust me you will feel much lighter and happy later.
Love is in the respect
and in kindness…
It is in the smiles exchanged
and duties shared…
Love is in the smallest of things on a mundane day..
Love is the base of a marriage and what is love without respect? Never never never talk disrespectfully to your partner. It is the words of our loved ones that has the power to hurt us the most. And words can never be undone or unsaid. Once the damage is done its done for life. When you feel you are about to blow up, remember the person standing in front of you is the love of your life. Be respectful to him/her.
Do you see how “THE TALK” has an impact on every situation that we face? The what when and how really matters a lot in an relationship.
I know giving advice is easier said than done. I am not perfect myself. Neither do I behave as calmly as I preach. But when at times I do, I see positivity around me. I see myself getting closer to my husband. I see our bond getting stronger. And that is the time I feel “we can do it” and so can you. Just let that communication thing going.
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*This blog post is a part of blog train hosted by Mommy Voyage and The Mum Story.